I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
