It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
