I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
