My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were trust falling into bushes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
