Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
