dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
