I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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