I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
