we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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