i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
