When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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