Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
