What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
