Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Screwed.edu
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
