just tell him i said nine months
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
