I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
