We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
