You made me cry and you don't even care
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
