He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
