Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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