Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
