I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
