fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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