before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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