I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
