Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
