Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
