I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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