He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
