Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
