Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
