So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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