Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
