for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
nutella sex= disaster
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
