Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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