if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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