My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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