allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
