her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
