I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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