someone get that fucking seahorse.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
