Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
