Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
