Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
