I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
