I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
