And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
