UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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