I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
