i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
